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This is the sky on December 1st 2016.

I went to school today for the first time in 11 days.

Baby steps.

It was cold, windy, and my hair kept getting stuck to my lipstick.

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This is my face on December 1st 2016.

Well, it’s my face with makeup… But it’s still my face. I’m 16 years, 9 months and 26 days old.

My hair colour has faded back to a dirty gold (if that’s even a thing) and my roots are long enough that you’d think I dyed it this way.

I’m not content with it.

Today I said I wanted to cut it short or even shave it all off. My hair is heavy,  ratty  and the length all make it look like depression. I’m okay with my face but my face isn’t okay with short hair.

 I like filling in my eyebrows dark and thick. I think it suits me right now. Maybe I’ll look at this sometime in the future and hate myself for it but at least I like them. Well, I had a hard them taming them today so not so much today. I’m trying to grow them out.

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I don’t like my eyelashes so I wear fake ones. They’re not too crazy but they’re enough to fill in what I don’t have right now.

There’s nothing wrong with needing a little help… And I think they look pretty.

I’m running out of glue so they start to come off during the day.

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These are the lashes I’m using. They’re just random pack from Walmart, I think, for like, $11.

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This is my mom today at age 45 years, 11 months and 29 days. For my whole life and especially this year, she’s been my strength. I don’t know where I’d be without her. Thanks for taking care of me. I love you, Mom.

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This is my right hand today. My middle finger has a bandaid around it because it was basically cut off by a Costco container.

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About Time continues to be my favourite movie of all time. Just for the record.

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I’m around page 50 of Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. I should have had already read much more than that but… Life happens. And this is for school.

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Instead I read Alexandra Silber’s latest blog.  I read it today during English third period while we were watching The Crucible (I like the book… not so much the movie). Yesterday I was telling Mom about how I had found some really nostalgic journal entries from 2014 (oh, 2014… what a year of innocent growth) about Seussical The Musical. I talked about how amazing the first dress rehearsal felt because that’s when it “all fell into place.” Who would have known dancing in the ensemble in a green hippo(?) onesie would be so much fun? That compared to another show I did later on being– while I had been one of the leads this time– such a bad experience for me. Just completely. Not only was the production[1] just not a good vibe, but the show was so crappy. But it’s part of my climb.

We must Cherish the Climb, so to better appreciate and deserve the view from the summit.

ALEXANDRA SILBER

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This is something I’ve been working on for awhile. I completely don’t know how I want to go about this idea. But I just keep writing.

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 This is Caeser today. He’s 1 year and 19 days old and he’s the love of my life. He gives me cuddles, kisses (not completely a fan but it makes me laugh), laughs, fur all over my black uniform pants, smiles, and sometimes a hard time. He is adorable and the greatest animal in the entire world.

Other things:

At lunch today Mom and AJ took me to Pet Smart to see the cats.

For some reason “Memory” from Cats is is stuck in my head. No correlation there.

I had about 3 hours of sleep last night.

I actually have some cool friends and the coolest mom.

Media Arts teacher told us the importance of the process. (Al and Mr P: great minds think alike).

My first day back is wasn’t easy. I felt tipsy.

Be. Now.

[1] I did have some good laughs and some good friends and that almost compensates for the all around shitty time it actually was.

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